Being Gentle With Kids part 1

I've never spanked my kids, not even for the common reasons given by many parents. When my kids showed interest in the electrical outlets, I would gently pull their hands away and show them that outlets were made only for plugs. We would walk around the house to see the outlets and I would show them how the only thing that was ever in them were cords. They grasped the idea immediately.

When my son at age 2 let go of my hand and started to run through a busy parking lot, I reached out and grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him back to me. I didn't spank him. Instead, I firmly held his hand as we crossed to a safe spot, then I got to his level and told him very simply that he has to always walk and hold my hand in parking lots. In nearly three years, he has not repeated his mistake. I think that parents who spank are often underestimating their child's intelligence. In both of those common cases, spanking was completely unnecessary, yet if I had spanked I probably would have given that credit for their change in behavior.

There is never any reason to hit a kid. There is always an alternative. Sometimes the parent might have to think a moment to know what it is, but it is there. Besides, most of the reason parents spank kids is because they know they can. How many of us would follow the jerk who cuts us off in traffic, causing us to slam our brakes and almost wreck, if punching him in his face were legal? Yet, it's not legal, so the vast majority of people just swallow their anger and move on. In my opinion, an adult nearly causing a collision in a car wreck is much worse than a young child drawing on the walls or accidently breaking a vase. Yet the child is much more likely to be the one physically disciplined simply because it is acceptable in our society. Well, society is made up of people, and sometimes people are wrong.

They're Doing Quite Well

I've never mentioned it on this blog, but my husband and I are both opposed to punitive punishments. We use gentle discipline methods with our children and have never spanked either of them. Sometimes people ask us if we're sure we can raise responsible, considerate, (fill in the positive adjective here) kids without raising our hands against them. The answer is, we are positive that we can. Two short situations happened independently of each other last night that illustrates this fact.

Both kids really love Annies Homegrown Bunnies. They're little crackers or cookies and come in many flavors. We usually buy cheddar or chocolate. Last night, Ja was crying because she'd spilled her share of bunnies. Without me asking him to share, or even saying a word, Toe wordlessly gave her a bunny. After she ate that one he gave her his entire share, saying "Here you go, Ja!" as he dropped the baggie into her lap.

The second situation happened during dinner. Toe knocked over his cup and spilled his cocoa. Ja pushed away from the table, slid down from her booster seat, ran to the towel drawer and brought Toe a kitchen towel so he could clean his mess. "Heah, Toe!" she said in her little two year old voice. "Thank you, Ja!" Toe replied and wiped up his mess.

Yes, I have no doubts that we're raising fantastic kids without resorting to spankings or time-outs, or other punitive punishments.